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a collection of sorts - 1998​-​2014

by punch me hard

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1.
thoughts like a cloud thoughts like a cloud from a cigarette harmful and burning are these can’t seem to figure out any of this simple like mountains and trees bright like the water at sunrise quiet and orange i should be can’t seem to figure out any of this simple like mountains and trees
2.
for me to share I'm glad I'm not as numb as I thought I was, and that's your fault I know this 'Cuz it's you whom I feel for All this love opened up its eyes when it dreamed of you And there you were realised Showing me the joy of what I have inside for me to share I'm glad that I can feel this and be awake and conscious of giving To you whom I feel for And through these eyes I see the light of you exposing all my shadows In order to dissolve them Showing me the joy of what I have inside for me to share And through these eyes I see the light of you exposing all my shadows In order to dissolve them Gentle eyes, the saddest kind Compassionate smile, knowing the sorrows Showing me the joy of what I have inside for me to share
3.
On Becoming a Cloud A simple kid, astounded by surreal Astounded by such truths If I could see such dizzying skies Such savoury lands over which to fly His visions were, and always became real Waking from such dreams If I could fly and thoroughly see Then I'd be cloud and drift through sky There is the garden and here am I Raining upon you and giving life Let the winds take you and you'll be fine
4.
am i that empty? jealous and unsteady like i needed more greedy and dirty like a lecherous whore who am i to say i’m right? i can’t see myself in this fight i can’t tell if you’re an honest girl if you’re selfless at all your words are what i want to hear but the connotation’s muffled in my ear why do i think that i need you? am i that empty inside? are you a blanket under which i can hide? you slipped off when i struggled to understand you! now you’re hiding somebody else the connotations of your silence hurts
5.
beautiful peace i can’t believe can you deceive my eyes perceive you as beautiful peace peaceful as a glass calm pond underneath a mist radiant orange from an early morning sun an early morning shine you are the dawn i can’t forget i don’t regret all that you said gave me beautiful peace peaceful as these memories clouded like a dream i told you things that i meant at the time i meant it at the time and you did too
6.
Ravenscliff Lake It's all here for me Outside at night in light Bright Borealis sky Orion on the other side Middle of lake on snow I stand sipping whisky, cold Aurora lights like waves Dog howls fill the trees Green light ribbons through Stars and satellites It's all here for me Outside I'm most alive
7.
drastic measures you talk about not being able to feel but your eyes tell a story your mouth can't conceal and the pain and the darkness are as real as the light of hope the ways I imagine the ways you inflict these cuts on your flesh can't compare to the truth of confusion and sadness in you that could bring you to such drastic measures all of the room inside is for you to hide in
8.
the sky stays the same taking what i can get makes me greedy giving what i’ve got seems to please me so why do i have so much am i as flawed as i believe looking at things simply makes life easy i see the road beneath me moves fast as i fly above it trees and cabins float past and the sky stays the same sun and moon share and play all i have to do is sleep and wake decide what i can give decide what i should take
9.
sparkle 06:00
sparkle there's a sparkle in the quietness a whisper in the corner of - I'm in thick air it's the "I'm where you are" the blindness of mirrors the deafness to reflections the nervousness of obvious loneliness I can't seem to let you fade I stay up all night so the dark can't invade my sleep just the flickering days I sit to let you seep away but this light inside of me of you burns my heart and I can't make it fade from inside this I am looking out to emptiness with only on eye one's in reverie it keeps looking back two thousand miles blinking through pictures fading too slowly the defeating wait for the clear void of emptiness
10.
11.
september dusk I dreamt of you laughing and drifting along in the waves I remember in Bloomfield and smoking in dark empty streets oh, the joys of just talking and making love in the soft morning light the slow drive from Toronto after the sad kiss goodbye remembering this with smiles in the chills of september dusk
12.
alive as ice can freeze damp and cool on my tongue trapping the longing but saddened among the burying leaves and after these snowy anticipations arrive the beauty of autumn ceases to exist and now winter dreams are alive dark and stars are the sky cold as the rain but warmed by the waves of the northern lights the reds and the greens dancing in slow undulations above the calm of the sky for a while was replaced by the curtains of colours and light
13.
under a waterfall at pete's dam this water, younger than the moon is running through my hair cold on my chest but I was here when it began it's in my memory when I drink it, deja vu feeling lighter than I was and floating higher than I am but it was here when I began and it flows through me explain the earth without science mythology is more exciting explain the earth without science you go so much farther than going there
14.
the tidal pool with my eyes shaking I watch your front teeth exposed by quivering upper lip resting, just parted from the lower one those quick, short breaths coloured with smiles and sighs those sharp, short nails pierce into my back and thighs when I shut my eyes, I saw this crashing shore and the strongest, calmest rolling pasture of ocean beyond when I opened my eyes mid-crashing and saw you staring into me your heel pressing into the small of my back and the ocean rolling in your eyes I just kept crashing waves into the shore and we flooded the tidal pool
15.
verisimilitude in fine connection water and canoe hazy and heightened soaking in truths sky o'er top me blew (blue?) thin clouds by this is true glidesmooth reflection island and tree aged enlightened brown, blue, and green wind all 'round me blew visions through sky all of you
16.
17.
no shadows 06:17
no shadows time removed it from itself crawled through a hole shed its shadows away from its former self once was thick with beings strangeness of taste to the touch, to the sight of its former self how emptiness can blind you once did time compare when it wrapped its web around your former self but is there something here? is this really empty? could I find just a trace of my former self? it's too light in the open room so small without shadows impossible to trust the light it needs obstacles and I need places to hide how can I know the light is real without a darkness to compare it to
18.
twilight eyes deep sunset breath clear twilight eyes soft coloured clouds sad humble cries thick thundering waves wet motionless rocks loud lashing wind quiet mindful talks sad blinking stare sun sinking to dim quiet empty mind loud ocean din breathing deep the sunset breath keeping clear the twilight eyes when in sleep I will clearly see under cold Atlantic skies with sunset breath inside my chest and clear twilight eyes
19.
happy new year you are beautiful everywhere next to river or behind hair smoking herbs or breathing air I know all this I've tried to share you reflect in the water's clear I'm reflecting when you're not here you lay beside me and pull me near I say I love you, and you disappear I know I'm not forward, but you ignore you're all of that which I love and more to end my ignorance, I implore do you, to me, feel this for? or am I just good times, nothing more
20.
this gentle symmetry what this is becoming a gently symmetry as long as we remember each other and this isn't finite no surmountable endings as long as we remember each other I'm gonna blow your mind like you blasted open my eyes I'm gonna blow your mind like you blasted open my eyes, and my heart and all through space whatever timeline our light lands in as long as we remember each other I found you once, finally and if I lose, or you lose me we'll use this gentle symmetry because this has become something infinite something intimate with no surmountable endings I'm gonna blow your mind like you blasted open my eyes I'm gonna blow your mind like you blasted open my eyes, and my heart and all through space wherever our lights end up as long as we remember each other we'll always be with each other
21.
between those two points, a swingset the passing trees like sketchy film the colourless and sensing filled the haziness and clarified the flickering fog and open skies in floating up (I realize in clear calm clouds) the slow descent of land (the simple thoughts I know) and sad understanding of distance (in faces for) in faces for (the sad understanding of distance) the simple thoughts I know (the slow descent of land) and realize in clear calm clouds (in floating up) the passing trees and open skies the colourless and clarified the haziness and sensing filled the flickering fog like sketchy film
22.
writing things from everything I've done my head seems to erase things my mind seems to replace things with other things as simple as the snow as easy as the sleeping was last night it's all changing if it ever does if my head stops erasing and my mind quits replacing things I'll stop writing things

about

A collection of songs I've written and recorded over 16 years, from northern ontario bedrooms to toronto home studios to nothern ontario recording studios to nova scotia houses and back to northern ontario again. Songs recorded using everything from an old Tascam 1/4' reel to reel 8-track at home to Logic Audio in a professional studio, to Garageband at home, and some other means I'm sure I'm forgetting.

credits

released May 31, 2020

All songs written, performed, recorded, mixed, and produced by mark bradford, with assistance from some other humans. See individual track notes for details.

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punch me hard Temiskaming Shores, Ontario

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